Can I just say that my life has been really stressful lately? Am I allowed to say that? I'm not complaining.. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body, and food in my fridge. My tuition is paid and I have a car that starts when I need it to. I am thankful for those things, I really, really, really am. Still, I think that I can vent a little bit about my crazy life because, well, let's face it - this is my blog and I can do whatever I want.
I have been so stressed and overwhelmed lately. It was starting to wear down on me so badly. I was ready to give up because I just didn't see the end in sight, but I decided that I can't let my situation get the best of me. I am under an incredible amount of stress and pressure, but rather than letting it break me, I have decided that I'm going to use this time to show everyone what I am made of. I am better than my circumstances, and I am better than stress. My daddy raised me better than that.
Part of my extreme stress level is my student teaching. I'm not sure if you have ever experienced student teaching, but there is nothing like it in the world. It is craziness. CRAZINESS. I now have twenty-three kindergarteners, and like any class, they are all over the board. It's so overwhelming. I know what I need to do as a teacher, and I know what kind of teacher I want to be, but when all of those things come up against the reality of nutty kids and limited resources and the ability of a school day to be over in the blink of an eye, it seems impossible. I have really been struggling with this for the past couple months. I know what I want to do. I can see it. I can see my classroom, I can see my students, I can see the lessons. I have read the books and done the research and written down my vision. But how the heck do I get there? That's the part that's missing. How do I get from here to there?
Part of what is really getting to me is that I am realizing more and more that the best part of teaching, for me, is getting to know these little people and their incredible personalities. I love finding out what makes them tick, how they learn, what they love. I also love watching them grow into themselves and develop socially. To me, the academics are certainly important; I want my students to be successful, educated people because that opens so many doors for them. But academics pale in comparison to the needs of the hearts of those little people. My cherubs come in after their parents were arguing or their kitty died, and they can't learn. They can't focus when all they can think about is how hungry or sleepy they are.
Before I can teach my cherubs about fractions or the water cycle, they have to feel safe and secure. They have to know what to expect and know that someone is going to love them and protect them, even when it seems like no one else does. I want to know how to do that. So.. as some of you may already know, I have decided to attend graduate school. I'm not going for elementary education, but for school counseling. I am going to figure out how to help my cherubs heal their hearts so that they can grow their brains. I still want to teach, but I think this is going to help me become the teacher I want to be.
xoxo-
mts
P.S. - Just because everyone is asking... yes, Miss Independent found herself a new man. And he is great. The end :)
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