I was a flight risk with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts.

      Please tell me someone has noticed that all of my post titles are lines from songs. I totally stole that from Grey's Anatomy. Did you know that all of their episodes are named after songs? I'm not good at coming up with catchy titles, and I'm a dirty idea stealer, so I let songs make my titles.

     This weekend was Homecoming here at Western. I can't even describe to you how incredible this weekend is here. Western is the most beautiful place I have ever been in my entire life, and that is saying something coming from the girl who has been to Rome, Florence, Venice, Jamaica, Bermuda, Niagara Falls.. you get the picture. Cullowhee is gorgeous. It's home. People love coming back here. 



     The Delta Zeta house was overflowing with alumnae from the 1960s, 1980s, 1990s, and 2000, as well as sisters who have recently graduated. It is incredible to talk to them. They have the most amazing stories about their time with Delta Zeta, including some really crazy stories about parties and pledging and fraternity boys, and yet despite how wildly different our experiences were, we still share the rituals and secrets that make us sorority sisters. It's indescribable. I know I sound so cheesy, but it's beyond incredible to me.

     Anyways, the reason I'm on this tangent about Delta Zeta is because I met an awesome sister of mine this weekend. B was was an active sister in the 1960s, when our chapter was brand new on campus. I had been messaging back and forth with her on Facebook for a couple months, and I finally got to meet her at the Homecoming parade. Homegirl rocks my world. She spent hours at our house before the parade, telling us all about her time with Delta Zeta, and then I went to breakfast with her yesterday morning. It was just the two of us, and we spent a few hours talking and getting to know each other. Finding this woman, who has lots of years and wisdom on me, and yet still seeing her as my sister and discovering her as a friend, was so touching to me. 

     While we were talking, she started asking me about my relationships and telling me about her relationship with her ex-husband and boyfriends in college. I swear, this woman is my kindred spirit. Everything that she was saying to me, I have been through.

     When I broke up with Tiger (thank you, Tiger Woods, for being a jerk and giving me the inspiration for the nickname that will forever be associated with my ex) almost two years ago, I swore that I was done. I had given up too much of who I was for him. My friends and even my mom told me that they didn't recognize the person I had become - not that I was a bad person, just that I wasn't myself. "Where did our independent, stubborn, wild, and crazy Morgan go?" I had completely changed my whole life for someone who wouldn't budge an inch for me. I didn't see it when I was with him (who does?), but it happened. Remember my post about how I wasted my first two years of college? Those years would be the ones I gave to him. I gave up my independence, my friends, my hobbies, my free time.. basically everything that made me Morgan.  

     Well, B told me the same story about herself, only she married her Tiger. I felt like she was telling me my own life story, just with different dates and names. I'm not the only one who has made that huge mistake, but at least I dodged my bullet. I escaped. She didn't, at least not until after 33 years of marriage. I thank God every day that He didn't allow me to stay in that relationship I thought I wanted so badly.  I wasn't myself, and I wouldn't have been happy. He didn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated.. not that I deserve anything more than anyone else, but I at least deserve to be treated like a human. 

     So, like I said.. after him, I was done. No more. I wasn't about to give myself up again, and I didn't know anything different. I didn't know there was such a thing as a relationship where you didn't lose yourself. So I stayed single for almost two years. It took me almost two years to figure out what went wrong, how I lost myself, and that it was bad news. I was happy being single because I thought that was the only way I would be able to hold onto who I was.

     But here's the thing. I figured out that I don't have to give myself up. I don't have to change. Being on my own for such a long period of time taught me that I am fine by myself, that I am capable of making my own decisions and don't need anyone else to make me whole. B told me to find someone who fit into my life the way it was already, and who complemented the person I was without me having to change. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you that a relationship like that didn't exist.. but I think my opinion is changing. Unlike the changes that I hated so much in myself, this change is good. Very, very good.

xoxo-

mts