I'm leaving on a jetplane.

     In honor of my recent air travel home for Thanksgiving, I have my own personal list of DO's and DON'Ts for air travel. Unfortunately, these all come from actual experiences I have had over the weekend.


DO:
-Allow members of our armed forces to de-plane before you do. They have been away from their families for a hell of a lot longer than you have, and while you were sunning your buns in Hawaii, they were roasting in the desert. Wait the extra thirty seconds it will take for them to collect their backpack, and let them go with a smile and a thank-you.
-Have some patience and understanding for families traveling with small children. You'd be ripping your hair out if you were trying to get through security, make connections, board a plane, and stay calm while traveling with three children under the age of five. Give the poor mom or dad some credit, and do not harass them about the size of their strollers, crying kid, or extra time needed to board the plane. Make cute faces and goo-goo noises at the baby. They like that.
-Check online to familiarize yourself with TSA regulations BEFORE you get to the airport if you are not a regular traveler. Nothing is more annoying than the lady who has to be reminded to take off her jacket, shoes, sunglasses, pool floaties, hat with the stuffed bird on it, backpack full of bricks, and 8,000 metal bangles before she goes through the metal detectors. It's not my fault that you don't travel often. Everything is online, and I'm pretty sure that there is an 800 number you can call to find out what the rules are if you don't have internet. Please. I am begging you. Don't be that lady.


DON'T:
-Apply makeup, powder your face, or use "oil-absorbing sheets" white sitting at the gate. No one wants to see that. Whomever it is that you are trying to impress will not be, I guarantee it. The effect of an inch of pancake makeup is lost when we see it applied in public - we no longer wonder if "she's born with it"; we definitely know it's Maybelline.
-Rush to the aisles as soon as the plane hits the jetbridge. I'm sorry, but nowhere you have to be is any more important than anyone else. In fact, it's probably less important. So you can sit your tush down and wait in your seat for five minutes instead of pushing and shoving to wait in the aisles. 
-Try to shove a full-size suitcase into an overhead compartment. It will not fit, and the time you spend pushing and shoving and slamming will only hold the rest of us up. Planeside check, ladies and gentlemen, is a wonderful thing.
-Be a douchebucket.


Happy holidays everyone!

xoxo-

mts